The following are some tips to keep in mind before speaking with your child's coach:
- Timing is everything - Don't confront the coach unexpectedly in the parking lot after a game. These kind of surprise attacks aren't fair to the coach and generally don't go smoothly anyway. Call the coach ahead of time and arrange to speak with him or her before or after an upcoming practice. Ask what would be the most convenient time to get together and go from there.
- Be prepared to listen - If you're not willing to listen to what the coach has to say, then how can you realistically expect the coach to listen to you? If you focus on putting more effort into listening to what the coach is saying rather than trying to get your point across, the coach is going to be a lot more likely to work with you rather than against you.
- Don't unload - Parents are often guilty of bombarding coaches with accusations, complaints and other negative comments. No matter how frustrated or upset you are, resist the urge to unload on the coach because it will accomplish absolutely nothing.
- Civility rules - You can quickly defuse what oftentimes is a tense situation between coaches and parents when it comes to the issue of playing time by being calm and friendly. Setting a civil tone right from the start is a critical building block for a productive discussion.
- Solutions -Accept the fact that there are many ways to solve a problem. Come up with as many options as you can that combine the coach's interests and your own.
- Be realistic - Don't approach the meeting with the belief that your child is being deprived of an athletic scholarship or a pro career because they aren't getting to play a certain position. Face the fact that your son is not going to be the next Derek Jeter. If you take the attitude that your son is destined for stardom it will only cripple the discussion.
- Know what you're talking about - If you signed your child up for a league that doesn't have a stated policy on playing time, and the coach believes your child isn't as talented as a lot of the other kids, then you're fighting an uphill battle on this one. Always make sure at registration that equal playing time is a clearly stated goal of the program before you and your child get stuck in a program that is going to be demoralizing for the both of you.
- What would you do? - Prior to setting up a meeting with the coach, put yourself in his or her shoes. Carefully observe practice sessions and games and ask yourself if you could do a better job delegating playing time. If not, then you may be overreacting. If so, you've probably got a pretty good case and should explain your observations and suggestions to the coach.
- Say thank you - Thank the coach for taking the time to speak with you regarding your child. Coaches are typically parents themselves with their own son or daughter on the team. They understand that you want the best for your child, just as they do for theirs. Acknowledge their positive attributes, since many coaches only hear from parents when they're doing something wrong.
As a parent with a child involved in youth sports, you have the right to have a safe and fun experience for your child; to have accurate and comprehensive information about the program; to be part of a quality program; to know about the complaint procedure; and to be protected from revenge if a complaint is filed.
Regardless of the situation, using the techniques described above will improve your chances of having a productive discussion with your child's coach. It's certainly common for differences of opinion to arise from time to time during any youth sports season, but how you go about resolving them in a manner that is beneficial for everyone involved is critical.
This article was reprinted with permission by the National Alliance For Youth Sports. More information can be obtained through their educational on-line program, which is available at http://www.nays.org/.
Your participation and membership helps support youth sport parent education nationwide, which further benefits our mission to keep youth sports safe and fun for children.
