"If you have the knowledge or a talent for working with children, why cheat him or his friends from benefiting from your expertise?" asks Pat McInally, former punter for the Cincinnati Bengals, author of Moms and Dads: Kids and Sports, and founder of GoodSports, an organization that promotes sportsmanship, perspective and fairness.
But consider it carefully. The stakes are high when your child is on the team. Coaches take heat from other parents over who starts at quarterback, over playing time and just about everything else. Your child can feel undue pressure, and that can strain your relationship. "It's a thin line to maintain," concedes Fred Engh, president of the National Alliance for Youth Sports. "You want to coach so that ten years from now your son says you were the greatest."
If you do decide to coach your own child -- and coaching youth football can be very rewarding -- here are some tips from the experts about how to maintain a healthy balance.
1. Take a class.
Attend the training courses offered by the league, and seek out seminars or clinics that can help you with organization, teaching skills, safety and relating to kids.
2. Start as an assistant.
Get your feet wet by spending a season as an assistant coach. You can have a positive influence on your child and the team without bearing the burden of being the head guy.
3. Clear the air.
A preseason parents' meeting can thwart potential problems. Set clear-cut policies, and lay out the conduct you expect from parents. Some coaches flat-out say: "I'll talk to your kids about their desire for more playing time, but not to you." Whatever your policies, explain them well and be consistent.
4. Check your priorities.
If you want to coach so you can realize the glory you never achieved as a kid, stop right there. Your adult goals and aspirations have no place in youth football. Remember that it's a game. You are there to teach good fundamentals, sportsmanship, teamwork, commitment and to have fun.
5. Be a good role model.
Make sure your on-field behavior demonstrates respect for other coaches, players and officials. Don't just talk about sportsmanship and teamwork; lead by example.
6. Accept constructive criticism.
Be open to evaluation from other coaches, parents and your spouse. They may see that you're getting caught up emotionally and losing perspective.
7. Treat your child fairly.
Have equal expectations for everyone on the team. Don't be harder on your child than the rest. He's still growing, developing and needs encouragement just like the other kids. Ask an assistant coach to convey constructive criticism. Kids sometimes tune out their own parents or think dad is picking on them. When another coach corrects his stance, he's likely to listen.
8. Rotate your roster.
Be fair with playing time, especially when it comes to the skill positions. Other parents take note if your son is the one who never gets off the field or has far more carries than any other running back-even if he is the best one out there. Of course, your child has the same right to be quarterback as anybody. Don't make him sit the bench more than his fair share. Allow everyone the same opportunity to try various positions.
9. Leave your coach's whistle at the field.
Your child needs you to be a parent and give unconditional love and support. Never discuss his teammates at home, good or bad. Away from the field, relish just being a parent.
Mom of a Pop Warner Mitey-Mite, and wife of a high school coach, Amy Zintl is a freelance writer whose work frequently appears in Ladies' Home Journal, Parents and American Baby.
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